Stage One Entering High School
1. Meet someone who loves cake.
2. Become close friends with them.
3. Promise them that you'll give them a cake on every birthday.
Stage Two Grade Eight
Ingredients: a teeny cupcake; a lot of candles; a blindfold; something ridiculous; lots of friends who can sing.
1. In the middle of a classroom, place a cupcake with as many lit candles as possible stuck on it on a desk.
2. Fill the classroom with your friends, and lead them blindfolded into the room.
3. As you remove the blindfold, get everybody to sing "Happy Birthday" as loudly as they can.
4. Purposely get something harmless lit on fire.
5. Extinguish it with something ridiculous (e.g. a wig, someone else's gym strip, etc.)
6. Retell the story every year.
Stage Three Grade Nine
Ingredients: a way to burn something (e.g. a stove); something safe to burn; a dirty shoe; soap; clay.
1. In the morning, make yourself smell like smoke and smear soot on your cheeks.
2. Show up with a shoe caked with mud, a cake of soap, and the letters C A K E made from clay.
3. Tell them, "I can't bake, so I brought you other cakes to choose from."
4. Spend the day coming up with more cake puns.
*for maximum effect, you can purposely overbake an actual cake.
Stage Four Grade Ten
Ingredients: a piece of paper; a paper plate, a plastic fork, and cake crumbs; drawing skills.
1. Throughout the day, hide little pieces of paper in places where they're bound to find them.
2. The pieces of paper should assemble into a drawing of a cake and a map leading to a classroom.
3. In the middle of the classroom, leave a plate with a fork and visible cake crumbs on a single table.
4. Next to the plate, leave a note saying, "What took you so long?"
*actually celebrating the birthday later on is recommended.
Stage Five Grade Eleven
Ingredients: a paper bag; cake ingredients; a kitchen; time.
1. Put raw ingredients of a cake inside a paper bag and label it "Some Assembly Required."
2. Have fun trying to bake the cake together in the school kitchen, trying not to get caught stealing school ingredients when you've wasted some of your own.
Stage Six Graduation
Ingredients: lots of cardboard; lots of icing; lots of love.
1. Make a giant cake make of cardboard and apply icing generously.
2. Hide inside the cake with icing on your face.
3. Have someone wheel the cake to them.
4. Pop out of the cake "unexpectedly".
5. When they ask, "What are you doing?" tell them that your cake looked so delicious that you wanted to try it, but as you were eating, you ate too much and you accidentally fell in.
6. Ask them if they want a taste of the cake, and after you've got them to say yes, give them a kiss.